Conflict and Disagreements

I recently had a disagreement with my co-teacher. She and I had a different way of dealing with a situation and there was great miscommunication. A child in our classroom who is struggling with some emotional regulation and has a bit of a stronger relationship with me that with my co-teacher. In a moment of upset the child screamed at my co-teacher and ran from her. I stopped the child and had her walk back to my co-teacher who then proceeded to help the child. The child calmed down and moved on to the next step in her day. She was on her cot getting ready for rest time and yelled at me that she wanted to get her rest toy. I asked her to calm her body and ask me rather than yell at me. She did and I told her she could go get it. My co-teacher then said, "You didn't know that I told her that when we were settled, I would go get it for her." I felt frustrated because as soon as my co-teacher said that, the child got upset again and began to run around the classroom. I let my co-teacher handle the upset and eventually, the child went to sleep and all was well. Later that afternoon, I approached my co-teacher and said, "It made me feel frustrated that when the child was calm and moving on, you triggered her again when you said she couldn't go get her rest toy." This child has some rage issues and struggles to self-regulate. I wanted to celebrate the regulation and did not see the point in upsetting her once again. My co-teacher relayed to me that the child told her "You will let me, just like my mom lets me when I yell at her". I did not have this information nor did I have the information that my co-teacher had told her she would need to wait to get the rest toy. If I had had this information, I would not have even suggested that the child ask me rather than yell at me. It was a miscommunication between the two adults and we talked about it and came up with a plan to communicate better in the times of this child's upset. It is vital that we present a united front and remain consistent with her. We had to use the 3 R's to settle this minor conflict. My co-teacher and I have a reciprocal respectful relationship and because of that we were able to have this conversation in a calm manner. Another strategy that I used is looking from my co-teacher's point of view. This particular child does not respond to her the same way she responds to me. I have had this child in my class for the last three years. We have a strong bond and I could not let that bond interfere with what my co-teacher was trying to do. We had to compromise in agreeing to communicate more efficiently and in sharing the load so to speak when this child is upset.
While this was a minor conflict, it was a learning experience for me and my co-teacher and for that I am grateful.

Assessments

What is the one thing that surprised you the most? Why? 

The thing that surprised me the most was that most of the results were in the same range. I asked my husband and my assistant director to complete the assessments and their results were very close to mine. This surprised me because I thought my assistant director's scores would be harsher than mine and definitely harsher than my husbands. She sees me in a different light than my husband and myself, being my boss and I was excited to see that she sees me as a competent communicator. The scores for Listening Styles were me 37, my husband 37 and my assistant director 36. For Verbal Aggressiveness me 66, my husband 59 and my assistant director 62. For Communication Anxiety me 42, my husband 38 and my assistant director 32. This was the only assessment where the results were not in the same range. With the exception of the listening styles assessment which did not show the results the same way.   

What other insights about communication did you gain this week? 

I gained the insight that it is important to self-assess and to ask others to assess you as well. We could think that we are communicating well and find out through others that we are in fact not. 


Choose at least two to share with others through your blog and consider how each might inform your professional work and personal life.

The scores in Communication Anxiety taught me that I am comfortable with communicating with others in most situations. This is helpful for me in our field because it is a goal of mine to be a Conscious Discipline Certified Instructor. If I am able to do this, I will be put into situations where I must communicate the principals of Conscious Discipline effectively. This assessment gave me more confidence in my ability to reach for this goal. 
The scores for Verbal Aggressiveness taught me that I have grown a lot in my communication skills. I am proud to say that I consider others when speaking to them and even if I do not agree with their statements, I am typically able to disagree respectfully. This has not always been the case in my life, as I have grown as an educator and as a person this has become the case. This is helpful in my life personally and professionally because there will always be someone with a different point of view and it is important to treat others with respect! 

Communication and Culture

Do you find yourself communicating differently with people from different groups and cultures? If yes, in what ways do you communicate differently?

 I do believe that I communicate differently with various people. With my best friend at work, we use a lot of non-verbal communication, eye contact and phrases that mean something specifically to us. She is from a different ethnic group than me, and has a different culture but we have communicated this way almost from the moment we met. She and I have a strong relationship and I think that is what makes it easier to communicate with her.
I also am more formal with other co-workers than I am with her. It seems that I communicate differently with each of my co-workers and because of the way our building is set up, I simply do not communicate with some co-workers on a daily basis. For example, the infant room is on the other side of the building than the preschool rooms and I rarely see those teachers.
Some of my co-workers are from the Philippines and have strong accents which means I have to ask for clarification more often and it sometimes seems as if it irritates them, but I do not want to have miscommunication because I did not clarify.

Three strategies I could use to help me communicate more effectively with people from different groups and cultures are:
1. Listen more, speak less. I think I talk too much at times not giving enough time for the me to hear the other person.
2. Treat others the way I want to be treated in communication. Respect goes a long way.
3. Be intentional in asking questions to gain more understanding of a culture or person.

Observing Communication in a Sitcom

For this assignment, I chose to watch the Dick Van Dyke Show.  I love Dick Van Dyke especially in his role as Bert in Mary Poppins. When I was scrolling through Netflix to find a show to watch for the blog assignment, I ran across this one. I honestly am not sure why I have never watched it before, but really enjoyed it!

While watching it with the sound off, I could see the relationship between a mom and a son, a husband and wife and co-workers. I could see the relationship between mother and son by the way  the woman was caring for the boy, looking at him and offering him a snack etc. She showed concern for him that I could see in her facial expressions, eyes and overall demeanor. I could see the man and woman were husband and wife because of the expressions of love, hugging, kissing and the look in their eyes. ;) Co-workers were easy to see because of the environment that the sitcom presented. They were in an office space and their body language showed irritation and angst when the man who I can only assume was the boss walked into the room.

During the course of the show, I was able to see love, concern, enjoyment and irritation in the non-verbal communication. The wife would roll her eyes at the husband at certain points, the boss was unaware of the looks on his employees faces when he walked into the room and probably would have been upset if he had seen them! Enjoyment was seen as there was a lot of smiling and laughing. At one point it seemed as if the husband and wife were having an argument or at least a heated discussion!
When I watched it with the sound on, I found I was correct in the assumptions I made about the relationships between the cast. There was an argument between the husband and wife about going to a party at the boss's house while their son was sick. The concern for the son the mother was showing was because she thought he was sick because he did not want a cupcake! The sound made it easier to follow the plot, but I was correct in my assumptions about what they were communicating non-verbally. I do believe that I would have known more if this had been a show that I normally watch. This was season 1 episode 1, so I am not sure that I would have known the characters any better than I do now since watching it.

I have learned through this experience that while non-verbal communication shows a lot, it is best partnered with verbal communication, especially when assessing a sitcom. I do not know the people in the sitcom, they are pretend, with pretend scenarios. In a real life communication situation, non-verbal cues can speak volumes before the verbal communication even begins to come into play. I come away from this assignment with a realization that relationships are even more vital than I already thought. I know the look on my husband's face when he is "done" at a party or event. I know the tone of voice from my best friend that says, "I need a break". Non-verbal and verbal communication go hand-in-hand and relationship extends a person's ability to "read" said communication.

Effective Communication

When I think of someone who is an effective communicator, I think of my husband. He is a pastor who works with men who have had life controlling addictions, struggles and have been in jail for various reasons. In the residential program that we serve in, my husband talks to these guys on a one-on-one basis, in group settings and once a week goes to the county jail to talk to the guys there. He creates an environment of caring, respectful interactions with a no nonsense point of view. He makes eye contact with them, engages them in the conversation and presents himself as the open and honest man he is. He speaks to them as if he is speaking to a friend and relates their situations with his own life choices before coming to know the Lord. I desire to model these communication skills! Being able to create an environment for open communication is so powerful and helpful to solving problems, creating relationships and connecting with people. I want to connect with people in authentic ways, and I believe if I am able to model some of the communication behaviors I see in my husband I will be able to do so.

Professional Hopes and Goals

One hope I have when I think about working with children and families who come from a diverse background is that I will be able to seek out and authentically represent their deep culture after establishing relationship with them. In doing this, I hope to create an environment that is authentic to all children represented and honored in the space.

One goal I would like to set for the early childhood field related to issues of diversity, equity and social justice is that more professional development, workshops and conversations would occur surrounding these topics. If we do not talk about these issues and how to do a better job of meeting the needs of these topics, we will not effect change. We have to advocate and talk about it!

Thank you all for a wonderful 8 weeks! I feel that because of you and our conversations I have grown both professionally and personally! I wish you all well!
Rachael

Welcoming Families From Around the World

The new family in my classroom will be coming from Germany.

I will prepare myself to be culturally responsive in the following ways:

1. I will send a card to the child at his new home address written in English and translated to German welcoming him to the classroom and the school family.
2. Using the same translator, I will have all of the orientation information translated for his parents to ensure they are able to know specific information about the classroom.
3. I will learn key phrases in German such as "Hello" "Goodbye" "bathroom" "eat" etc. to ensure that the child feels comfortable and is able to have his needs met.
4. I will research Germany and it's surface culture to include some of the culture in the classroom so that the child and his family feel welcome, as well as ask for specifics about the family in order to learn about their deep culture.
5. I will give myself grace to learn about this child as I do with every child that enters the classroom and extend grace to the child and the family as we begin to develop a relationship.

My hopes in doing these things is that the family will feel welcome, loved and respected as well as honored and valued. I will learn new things on my own and hopefully learn a lot from the family and the child. :)